'What's the time?
Since I can remember, I’ve always been focused on ‘the time.’ This is likely because of my dad, who would get upset whenever I was late. He would just leave, and I would miss the activity or event. Even as a student, I’d get really frustrated if my friends were late, thinking, "If you love me, why would you be late?" I just couldn’t understand it. If I promised myself to be at the gym at 8:00 AM and it was 8:15 AM, I’d be angry with myself: "Bibi, you’re too late." When I’m at a festival or party, I often ask people, "What’s the time?" Maybe it’s my way of feeling control over something, because based on that answer I decide if I have to be tired, if I want a drink or if it’s time to enjoy even more.
Since I’ve been with my partner Julian, my concept of time has been turned upside down. Julian doesn’t really ‘do’ time. "When I grew up, Bibi, we had no time. On holidays, we just ate when we were hungry or went to bed when we felt like it," Julian says. It’s hard to explain, but since we’ve been together, I’ve felt like I have more time. With him, there is never "not enough time," even on busy days. Time seems to slow down.
In his book The Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle explains that there are two different types of "time": psychological time and clock time (or objective time). Psychological time is the time created in our minds, based on past memories or future worries, which keeps us from fully experiencing the present moment and leads to stress and dissatisfaction. Clock time is the practical time we use to function in the world, like scheduling or completing tasks, and it doesn’t interfere with the present moment.
Interestingly, I still catch myself asking, even on days when we have nothing planned and are just enjoying a free day at our little house in nature: "Julian, what’s the time?” Luckily, I am starting to understand more and more how useless this question is and that the answer is always: ‘now’!
“Time isn’t precious at all because it’s an illusion. What you perceive as precious is not time, but the moment. The more you focus on time—past or future—the more you miss the Now, the most precious thing there is.” – Eckhart Tolle
*Trying to have a Christmas without ‘time’ - 📸 by Bauke Boneschansker
What’s your biggest life lesson?
During my burn-out, now 3 years ago I started exploring the theme of ‘happiness’ and leading a peaceful life. Because how do you actually do that? And how do you find out how life ‘works’? Realizing that actual wisdom can be found in the everyday person you meet on the street, I asked people one simple question: what is your biggest life lesson?
On the second morning of a yoga and meditation retreat, I met Oriane, a free-spirited traveler with a tanned body, tattoos, and her own van. After a quick hello, we knew we’d become friends. A few weeks later, she invited me to her parents' mountain house in the French Alps for a hiking trip. After four days of hiking and a cold night in a hut overlooking Mont Blanc, I asked her, "Oriane, what’s your biggest life lesson?"
She smiled and replied, "I’m 30, but I really count my life from 17, when I started making my own decisions. My biggest lesson is simple: do whatever you want, whenever you want, with whoever you want. Time is precious. I realized at 18 that time is ticking. You could die tomorrow, and if I do, I want to be happy with my choices."
Oriane’s revelation about time happened during a typical office internship at 23. She was offered a permanent job, but instead, she left to work in a ski resort for five months. Seven years later, she still loves it. "If you think you need a break or want to quit your job to do something different, just do it. You’ll never regret it. People often say they can’t because of bills, but if you’re not happy, you have to change it. No one will do it for you."
She shared how studying abroad for an Erasmus exchange at 18 was scary but transformative. Leaving home to live in a foreign country, she learned English and gained confidence. "It was terrifying, but I never regretted it. Making scary decisions makes you grow and trust yourself."
She looks at me and says: “You can do everything you want, don’t you agree, Bibi?”
As maybe some of you know, I love asking a lot of questions. So here some reflection questions for the end of the year:
If you have to divide your last year in chapters, what would the headline of each chapter be?
What’s the most important thing you learned about yourself last year?
Which relationship do you want to give more attention to next year?
Did you learn a life lesson from someone this year?
What have you done for someone else this year that you are proud of? Could you do something like that more often?
What did you put significant effort into this year, entirely on your own initiative? What does that say about your natural interests?
Which meaningful conversations from this year stood out to you? And why?
Last but not least: a little poem I wrote last march about my life in a little hut in the Algarve
The wooden cabin that changed my life
I was lonely there
I was alone
I was scared
I was euphoric and overjoyed
The place where I fell in love
with myself, my boyfriend, and with life.
The place where I observed the flowers, the silence, the stars, the butterflies, and myself.
I am forever grateful to the few simple wooden planks hastily nailed together 20 years ago in the midst of "nothingness," because this is the wooden cabin that changed my life.
Love, Bibi
Moooi love de reflecties!
Prachtig Bieb!! <3